Ugly House Photos

One of my friends has a high-powered job in Phoenix and is well respected.  He recently had dinner with a rich friend who asked him, “Why are you living in Phoenix?  There’s no life there.  And no culture there.”  He criticized Phoenix as a nothing city.  Nothing interesting. Boring.  Why would anyone live there?  He told my friend to move out of Phoenix as soon as possible.  He told others at the dinner table that anyone who lives in Phoenix is not a mover or a shaker.  No companies are headquartered in Phoenix.  He said people just lead boring lives in Phoenix.  And he ended his tirade with a question, “How can you be mentally stimulated in Phoenix?  There is no culture.  How do you find intelligent people?”

I guess I’ve got it all wrong for living in Phoenix.  I’ve been missing out for over 40 years.  Wasted my life here.  This pretentious snob, by the way, lives in Houston, Texas.

So let’s see what Houston has to offer.  Like this Houston home that’s currently for sale.  Looks like it’s oozing with culture and life.

Just like the fans gracing the walls, I’ve become a fan of Houston.  I wanna be a mover and shaker in Houston too!!

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Child’s bike, mommy’s purse, a lot of plastic flowers, and clutter all over this room.  You hardly notice the fireplace.  Better to pack it all away before selling.

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The Best Worst Home Staging Photo:  ARMOR ALL

Our big winner of the Worst Home Staging Real Estate Photo contest is in a class all on its own.  It dominated every round of voting, eventually winning in the final round with 59% of the votes.

The voters and potential buyers recognize that a cluttered room and a poorly lit room create a negative image of the entire home.  Your eyes can’t focus on the main features of the home.  There is a fireplace hidden in the clutter.  Buyers can’t see the size of the room and can’t imagine their furniture in the room.  Most buyers will create an image in their minds about the seller too.  This is a case where it would look better completely empty.

Thanks, everyone, for voting!

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The UglyHousePhotos Award for Worst Window Drapes/Curtains/Treatment will be decided by our readers.  Here are the top 10 candidates for your consideration:

UGLY SHEET:  When times are tough, hang an ugly sheet over a window.

ORANGE CRUSH:  Attention to detail missing here.

SHINY GREEN:  Perhaps the owner was a star on Broadway or Vegas?

GRAY GILLS: Avondale, Arizona.  Radiator grill?  Evaporative cooler pads?  Fish gills?  Dust collectors for sure!

BROCADE:  Heavy handed.

FLOWER CHILD:  1960s flashback!  Photo taken February 2010.  They look brand new.

SOUTHERN BELLE:  Genteel feminine curtains from Savannah, Georgia. 

COFFIN LINING: From Lily Munster’s house?  Looks like the lining in a coffin.

PUFFY SHIRT:  Seinfeld’s famous pirate puffy shirt inspired these delightful window treatments.

PARACHUTE:  Recycled parachute fabric used as window drapes.  Very clever.

Vote for your favorite Worst/Ugliest Window Drapes/Curtains/Treatment here:

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It’s supposed to be a dining room of a Buckeye, Arizona home.  Might be a bit too taste-specific for most buyers?

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Oh good grief.  (eyes rolling).  When buyers visit this Phoenix home, the seller plays the piano while the buyers pick out the mylar balloon they want; then the seller inflates it for them.  Clever marketing idea?  Bad flooring.  Dolls, doilies, & more foolishness.

I had to adjust the brightness of this photo by +140.  Should have left it dark.  Bedroom with two plates, a pot, a hat, a basket, two purses, diapers, and a bunch of whatnot.

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There was a time when cork and mirror tiles were popular.  1970s?  How fun is it to remove them?  These people gave up.

This home features a full wall of mirror tiles with diamond accents.

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Another home needing staging advice and assistance.

Christmas decorations (lights, candy canes) still up in May.  Half dirt, half grass lawn.  Weight bench in the front yard.

Christmas tree is up.  Lots of family photos.  Cutesy sayings (”I Love You 2 Gore”??) (”Love Always & Forever”).  If they cleared everything out but the furniture, this would be a very nice room (nice floor, nice paint, nice size).

In case they get lost, the signage tells them the next room is the family room.  [Editor: I blocked out their name.]

Very dark family room.

They painted the walls with black paint.

When buyers see the clothes rack, they will assume the closets are too small.  Cluttered dresser doesn’t help.

There’s a big tree in the child’s room.

One of those glass vessel sinks.  But you can see all the plumbing underneath.

They enclosed the patio so that they could fill it with clutter.

More junk from another angle.

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Wow.  What can we say?

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They used to feature heart-shaped beds and spas at those tacky honeymoon hotels in the Poconos and near Niagara Falls in the 1980s.  These Phoenix homeowners thought they would become honeymooners again with their ultra-ugly cultured marble heart-shaped jetted bathtub, complemented by ugly pink walls and mirrored tiles.

This is the shower area (the surround walls have been removed).  We are really hoping that those are latex gloves in the sink and not the result of a romantic episode in the hot tub.

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